Eristotle

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Biography

From Principia Harmonia and Ek-sen-trik-kuh Discordia: The Tales of Shamlicht by Pope Hilde (with Sister Hooter)

Eristotle was born Loti Ester Abbott on 13 September 1752 CE in the Colony of New York. The girl's 'father' Joseph was very disappointed that the child was not a boy. Loti Ester was forced to dress, act and socialize--in every way--with boys and girls as if a boy. (The girl's true sire was likely the white mother Marian's lover, the black slave Kizza, called 'Joel').

In 1760 at the age of eight, the child was the height of an average five-year-old, and had gone blind. But that same year, Loti Ester spoke the first of many prophecies. This was the amazing, 'Two times four equals twenty-four.' This proved far more than lousy arithmetic. Later that day, a slave, possibly the girl's father Kizza, discovered that one of the family's goats had given birth to four kids. (One four-footed goat mated with a second four-footed goat plus four four-footed kids equals twenty-four feet.) Everyone was amazed.

Loti Ester's mother began recording everything the girl said. Other astounding prophecies followed. These included, 'I like molasses. It is so sweet' (said just weeks before the Sugar Act taxed molasses in 1764); 'I stamped a queen ant' (the Stamp Act to fund loyal royal troops was itself stamped out in 1766); and, 'Why is the tea bitter?' (asked more than five years before the American colonists protested the tax on tea with the 1773 Boston Tea Party, which led to the American Revolution.)

After an alleged rape, the girl secretly bore twins as Marian demanded, 'Who is the father?' The 15-year-old screamed, 'I am...Eristotle!' (Linguistic descendant Toyalla noted this is an anagram of 'Loti' and 'Ester,' which mean 'small' and 'star.')

Sadly, on 12 October 1769 while only 17 years old, Eristotle died. The prophet's sayings were compiled in a private collection called 'The Mythicism of Eristotle.' The book was unfortunately never published, as people refused to accept the mythic vision of a slave-fathered, illegitimate, cross-dressing, fornicating, same-sex-loving blind dwarf girl.

Holy day

September 13 is known in Discordian circles as both the 'holydays' Mass of Eristotle and Mass of Planet Eris. This honors the birth of Eristotle in 1752 and the naming of Planet X as Planet Eris in 2006, which both happened on Sept. 13.

Quotes

'The more a society requires its respectable women to keep their bodies covered, the more likely those women are to be oppressed.' --Eristotle

"Imagine that you have spent your entire existence running and capering in the bright, sunlit world, surrounded by colors and sounds and sensations, and were then suddenly knocked upon the noggin and chained to the ground in a cave, where you could understand and participate in the world by way of shadows. Would this change not greatly confuse you?' --Eristotle (referring to her experience of going blind)

'Why is the tea bitter?' --Eristotle

'I fart therefore I am.' --Eristotle

'The foolishness of a child is the wisdom of the aged.' --Eristotle

'I am sorry, ma'am, but it is a girl.' --unnamed midwife at the birth of Loti Ester Abbott

External links

Five Ages of Man, conversation between Eristotle and Thuddipius